When we talk about grief, we usually think about the kind of mourning that happens after a clear, significant loss, like the death of someone close. But what about the grief that doesn’t quite get the same recognition? This type of grief is known as disenfranchised grief, a concept not everyone is familiar with, yet it deeply affects many who are left to cope with losses that don’t seem to fit society’s expectations.

What’s Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief is grief that isn’t socially acknowledged, validated, or openly mourned. The term was first introduced by psychologist Kenneth Doka and includes a variety of situations where people might feel they aren’t allowed or supposed to grieve. This could be the loss of a pet, the end of a friendship, or even big life changes like moving to a new city or retiring.

Imagine someone who’s mourning a former partner or a colleague—others might not see their grief as justified. Or think about those who have had miscarriages or lost someone to a stigmatized illness; they might miss out on the kind of community support that typically surrounds those in mourning. This lack of recognition can make their grief journey even tougher.

What Causes Disenfranchised Grief?

Disenfranchised grief comes from societal norms and expectations about what types of grief are “acceptable.” These norms can be shaped by cultural values, social roles, and personal relationships. For example, if a society values family highly, it might dismiss the grief someone feels over a distant relative or an ex-partner.

Moreover, the relationship to the deceased or the nature of the loss itself might not be acknowledged. Grief becomes disenfranchised when there’s little to no recognition from one’s community, which can lead to feelings of isolation.

Symptoms of Disenfranchised Grief

The symptoms of disenfranchised grief are similar to those of traditional grief but can be worsened by the absence of validation. These symptoms might include:

• Emotional symptoms: Sadness, anger, guilt, or numbness.
• Physical symptoms: Changes in appetite, sleep disturbances, or fatigue.
• Cognitive symptoms: Confusion, difficulty concentrating, or obsessive thoughts about the loss.
• Social symptoms: Feeling isolated, withdrawing from social interactions, or sensing that others don’t understand or accept your grief.

These symptoms are intensified by doubts about whether one’s feelings are valid, often leading to suppressed or complicated grief reactions.

Coping Strategies and Resources

Navigating disenfranchised grief can be tough because of the lack of external support, but there are several ways to manage it:

• Acknowledgment: Start by recognizing your own grief, no matter what others say. Understand that your feelings are valid and that you have every right to grieve.
• Expression: Find safe ways to express your grief, whether through writing, art, music, Tarot, journaling, or other creative outlets. Talking to a therapist or coach who gets disenfranchised grief can also help.
• Connection: Look for support groups or online communities where you can connect with others who’ve gone through similar losses. Sharing your experiences in a supportive environment can be incredibly healing.
• Education: Teaching those around you about disenfranchised grief might help them understand your experience better and offer more support. It can also empower others to recognize their own disenfranchised grief.
• Mindfulness and Self-Compassion: Practices like Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) and mindfulness can help you accept your emotions without judgment and find meaning in your experience, boosting your resilience.

Your Grief is Valid

Realizing that disenfranchised grief is a normal and valid response to many types of loss can be freeing. If you’re dealing with this kind of grief, remember your emotions are legitimate and you’re not alone. Seeking support can significantly aid your healing process.

The journey through grief, disenfranchised or otherwise, is deeply personal and can be painful, but it’s also a path toward growth and understanding. By embracing your grief and seeking the support you need, you can start to heal and eventually find a new sense of peace and acceptance. It’s not about moving on, but moving forward with your loss as part of your story, allowing it to shape you in profound and meaningful ways.