Scientific, Psychological, and Spiritual Viewpoints

After my mom died, I saw her face everywhere. I lived in DC at the time, and so I’d catch a glimpse of her back as she got on the metro. Or, her face would glance back at me right as I left the train. The realization it wasn’t her was a slap in the face each time. It didn’t feel like a warm reminder.

And at night, in my dreams, she visited too. The recurring dream was that it had all been a big mistake. She wasn’t gone–and so my brother and I had to tell her that we’d sold her house and all her belongings. I felt major guilt for giving all her things away while at the same time feeling tremendous relief that she was back–of course it was all a mistake, that was the only thing that made any sense.

Later, years later, I found myself deciding that visits from ladybugs were a chance to think of her. I enjoyed the idea that the ladybugs my toddler son and I were playing with were Grandma coming to visit.

As time went on, and my own spirituality shifted, I found that if I really opened myself up to what was here with me in hard moments…it was love–and it felt like the love of a mother, specifically my mother. As if she were always with me. Sometimes that love feeling is yellow. She always looked better in yellow than me. She painted my nursery yellow.

So, before we even start the exploration of this topic I want to say this–whatever your experience is, it’s valid. No matter how it changes, how much belief you have, whether it’s hurtful or helpful. We deal with grief the best we can. Our hearts, souls, and brains are trying to make sense of the loss of a physical presence that was incredibly significant to us. I am not here to say I have any answers or to endorse any particular beliefs. I come from a pretty skeptical background, honestly. And yet, I too have felt and seen things that have opened me up. So, let’s explore together.

Evidence-Based Research: Scientific Investigations into Afterlife Communications

Let’s start with the science.

From a scientific standpoint, the evidence for communication from the deceased is largely anecdotal, with rigorous scientific validation hard to come by. 

Still, several studies have investigated the phenomenon of perceived messages from deceased loved ones or feeling their presence.

“Bereavement-related perception or hallucination of the deceased (BPHD)…involves perceiving (hearing, seeing, touching, smelling) or feeling (the presence of) the deceased person. They are mainly felt as pleasant, comforting, and welcome, and they are experienced by 30% to 60% of the bereaved, happening to those identifying as both religious and non-religious” Sabucedo, Pablo, et al..

And, these instances are “believed to be underreported due to fears of rejection, stigmatisation [sic], or ridicule.”

For me, there’s a lot to break down in that. The dichotomy just in the language–is it a perception or a hallucination? The writers of the journal article wish to remain neutral on that one. For most, it is pleasant, and for many, it is not. The article referenced has a bunch of super interesting examples of how a person’s culture can influence their perception of these BPHDs. 

But the prevalence is there–if you’re in some way feeling the presence of your loved one after they’ve passed you’re not alone–you’re one of the 30-60% of people who do.

For some, it’s a felt presence. For others, it’s just a visual or just auditory, or mixed:

Felt presence	39-52%
Auditory	13-30%
Visual	14-26%

Psychological Understanding of Grieving and Perceived Messages

There’s another term used in psychology circles: After-Death Communications (or ADCs). There seems to have been a debate for awhile about whether there was something pathological about experiencing these. But the consensus these days seems to be that “the vast majority of these experiences are benign and that they should be considered in light of their biographical, relational, and sociocultural contexts.”

1. Comfort and Healing: Experiencing ADCs such as sensing a presence or hearing a voice can be comforting because it can provide some sense of peace and reassurance, which can allow you to open yourself to a period of personal growth and healing.
2. Sensory Experiences and Their Interpretations: As mentioned, ADCs can manifest in various sensory forms—visual, auditory, kinesthetic, and even through less tangible experiences like sensing a presence. These experiences are often interpreted as signs that the deceased continue to coexist in another form, which can be reassuring, and even help us with our own fears around  death. 
3. Professional Guidance and Support: While ADCs can offer significant comfort, they can also lead to confusion and even concerns about your mental health. Some recommend maintaining a record of these experiences and then seeking professional help if they become overwhelming. It can be helpful to not feel alone in differentiating between normal grief reactions and potential complications.

ADCs, it seems, can not only be a way to feel closer to those we’ve lost, but can also act as a pivotal component on our paths to acceptance and healing.

Historical and Cultural Perspectives on Communicating with the Deceased

When we lose someone close to us, it’s natural to wonder if we can still connect with them in some way. Throughout history and across cultures, people have sought to communicate with the deceased, each in their own way, shaped by their beliefs and traditions.

1. Ancient Civilizations: In ancient Egypt, communication with the dead was integrated into their rituals, believing the dead could intervene in the lives of the living. The Greeks and Romans also practiced necromancy, often seeking guidance from the deceased through elaborate rituals.
2. Spiritualism Movement: In the 19th century, spiritualism became highly popular in the United States and Europe. Mediums claimed to communicate with the spirits of the deceased during seances, providing comfort and advice to the living. This movement also intersected with early women’s rights campaigns, as female mediums often held significant social and cultural power.
3. Indigenous Practices: Many indigenous cultures around the world maintain rich traditions of ancestor veneration and communication. These practices are often integrated into daily life and important ceremonies, emphasizing a continual bond between the living and their ancestors.
4. Death Rituals: Across various cultures, death rituals often serve as a bridge for communicating with the deceased, reflecting deep-seated beliefs about the afterlife and the continuity of spirit. For instance, Mexican Day of the Dead celebrations involve creating altars and offerings to welcome back the spirits of the departed, while Tibetan Buddhists practice sky burial, believing it helps the soul transition to the next life by returning it to nature.
5. Modern Perspectives: Today, views on communicating with the deceased vary widely, from continued belief in spiritualism and mediumship to more skeptical scientific perspectives that regard such practices as manifestations of grief or psychological phenomena.

If you’re exploring these thoughts, it’s a deeply personal journey, and it’s important to navigate it in a way that brings you comfort and peace. Pulling from your culture or creating new traditions and perspectives are equally valid. It’s about finding what resonates with you during this time of loss.

Beyond the Veil: Modern-Day Spiritual Takes on Communicating with the Dead or Receiving Messages from Them

Modern-day spiritual approaches to communicating with the dead or receiving messages from them encompass a variety of beliefs and practices across different cultures and spiritual traditions:

1. Mediumship: This is perhaps the most recognized form of communication with the deceased. Mediums claim to act as conduits between the living and the dead, conveying messages from spirits to their loved ones on Earth. This practice is often associated with spiritualist churches and psychic practitioners.
2. Electronic Voice Phenomena (EVP): This technique involves recording audio in environments where ghostly communications are suspected, with the hope that voices of the dead will be captured on the recording. Advocates suggest that spirits can manipulate electronic devices to communicate.
3. Dream Visits: Many believe that the deceased can visit us in dreams to offer comfort, guidance, or messages. These experiences are often described as vivid and more intense than typical dreams, with the dead appearing healthy and at peace.
4. Signs and Symbols: It is common for people to believe that the dead can communicate through signs or synchronicities in the physical world. Common examples include finding objects, such as feathers or coins, experiencing meaningful electrical malfunctions, or noticing significant animal behaviors.
5. Psychography (Automatic Writing): This involves writing messages from the spiritual realm while in a trance-like state or under the influence of a spirit. Practitioners believe that this allows direct communication from the deceased.
6. Channeling: Similar to mediumship, channeling involves an individual (a channeler) allowing a spirit or spiritual entity to take temporary control of their body to communicate messages. Channelers often describe this as a deep trance state during which they relay words and emotions from the spirit.
7. Seances: A practice that involves a group of people gathering to communicate with spirits through a medium. Typically, participants sit around a table in a dimly lit room, holding hands and inviting spirits to manifest in various ways.
8. Spiritual Tools: Tools such as tarot cards, pendulums, and ouija boards are sometimes used as means of communication with the spiritual realm. Each tool has its method and belief system about how it facilitates communication with the deceased.

These practices vary widely in acceptance and credibility, ranging from deeply personal spiritual experiences to subjects of skepticism and scientific scrutiny. Regardless of the belief in their veracity, these practices often serve to provide comfort and closure to those grieving the loss of loved ones.

To me, Tarot can be a useful tool for journaling, personal insights, and reflection. Here is a simple three-card spread designed to help you reflect on your connection with your loved one and explore your current emotional landscape.

Wrapping Up

The idea that our lost loved ones might still reach out to us can be truly comforting, while at the same time leaving lingering questions and intense emotions. While scientific proof might be sparse, the countless personal stories, your own felt experiences, and the psychological and spiritual insights I’ve shared might have you feeling open to a broader perspective. Whether it’s through dreams that feel all too real, moments where your senses tingle with familiarity, or symbolic occurrences that defy explanation, these experiences can be profound. They can offer a sense of comfort and even an ongoing bond with our lost loved ones. As you explore these possibilities, it’s ok to do it with an open mind, embracing both skepticism and hope. Your grief is uniquely ours, and if we meet it openly, it has endless lessons.